& She did it with Grace...
About 4 to 5 years ago, I was in a dark place. I was going through a divorce, dealing with the loss of friends who my ex 'won' in the divorce, trying to find myself, dealing with depression, self-doubt, anxiety, fear, and the list goes on. During the phase of my divorce, many people chose to comment on the status of my relationship because they didn't know the real. They were getting information from the person who broke our vows in the first place. They never asked me for my side or even checked to see if I was okay, and that in itself was hurtful.
It got back to me from another 'friend' that some of those same people were talking down on me to others, about how i didn't fight for my marriage, how I wasn't this or I wasn't that, etc.. Divorce wasn't an easy decision for me. It was a choice made from a space of "Look, if you don't want to work on us and our marriage, I'm not going to force you to. I am not going to make you love me, respect me, and value me. So sign this." I always tell people that just because I got a divorce, doesn't mean that I advocate for divorces. I think that you should try to work it out in any instance or situation, unless the situation becomes harmful to your mind, body, or spirit. If you ask me for marital advice, I am always going to suggest counseling from an unbiased, spiritual leader.
For me, divorce was the right choice. I could have stayed in my marriage, but at the time I filed for divorce, I wasn't living in the same house as my spouse, and I'd become so focused on salvaging my marriage that I lost myself. I can say now that my ex shouldn't have ever had a chance to carry a conversation with me, let alone marry me. But, we learn from our mistakes.
I say all of that to say that, all of the people who downed me, are now divorced. I don't say that with joy, spite or malice because I don't wish divorce on anyone. Their situations actually make me grateful because I was able to escape a toxic situation without children being involved. It's important to be careful before you speak on what you do not know. You never know what life will take you through and the situation that you judge today, you could be going through tomorrow. I chose to live my truth during my divorce and the hurt, pain, anger, embarrassment, and shame from my divorce, birthed my purpose. I realized that my journey could be an encouragement to someone else, which is the very reason I blog.
There has never been a time were I drug my ex or painted them to be a villain. I told the truth and I went through my storm with grace. There are very few people that can say the same. Be careful how you season your words because you just may have to eat them.