Let Me explain...
Since the beginning of QueenMe, I have never kept my relationship with depression a secret. Depression and I go way back to the point of me sensing her before she starts talking. In the spirit of transparency, I always feel myself drifting and because it is such a familiar place to me, I pack my bags and go.
What I didn't expect was for depression to get a Brazilian Butt lift, and come back as self-doubt. Honestly, it wasn't until today that I realized what was going on, I just knew that I had been feeling some type of way over the past month or so.
Today, I was driving to work and I began to really down, criticize and doubt myself; I started at my looks and went straight to my personality, my intelligence, my ability to be a mother and my desire to build a home. (Questioning if I can really hold down a full household by myself. Not even in the sense of financially, but all of the other responsibilities that come with owning a home.) I was truly beating myself down until I finally said "Wait, we are not going to do this today. You've come to far mentally, spiritually and even physically to tear down the woman that you have fought to become." After the pep talk that I had to myself/ with myself, I jumped out of the car with my head held high, like the Queen I am.
Sometimes, we expect things to look a certain way and be a certain way because of what we are used to. I have truly withdrawn myself over the past month, buried myself in my work and become even more of an introvert in an unaware attempt of escape my own criticism.
You always have to keep your spiritual guard up, even when you think that you are in the clear. That is normally when the enemy strikes. Be fully aware of yourself, don't be afraid of overthinking your thoughts, moods, actions or desires. Pray and and allow God to bring you out of whatever space you are in, that you are unhappy with.
There is no topic too trivial to pray or talk to God about!