One of the ways that I knew that my first marriage was not it, was that I often felt that I was missing out on truly living because of my relationship choice. Me feeling like I was ‘missing out’ was a self-acknowledgement that I had settled and that I wasn’t as happy as I was trying to be nor desired to be (the ‘I gotta make it work’ mentality).
No relationship is perfect, and you should have a fulfillment within yourself before you yoke with someone, but in a relationship, (especially a marriage) you shouldn’t feel that your partner isn’t capable to meeting your needs. Now, I am not referring to the physical things or tangible things, I am referring to what can’t be bought or purchased.
Unless you live under a rock, you have heard that recently, the rapper and advocate, Nipsey Hussle was murdered. In a IG post by Lauren London wrote:
“I am completely lost I’ve lost my best friend My sanctuary My protector My soul.... I’m lost without you We are lost without you babe I have no words(.)”
Listen to me, for a woman to refer to a man as her sanctuary (i.e., her peace, protection, safe place, calm, etc.) is the equation of Lauryn Hill talking about ‘reciprocity’. I feel for her because I have been (I am) there, and I mourn with her on a level that few women can understand or relate to.
I know that she hurts right now, and there is no time frame as to when she will feel ‘okay’, despite what people tell her, but I pray that she realizes that to experience a love like that is a gift that only God can grant. This is what love is and what a relationship should be. To many times, we allow toxic situationships fester, hoping to achieve a euphoria that was never meant to be. Sometimes you don’t need to keep trying, sometimes, you just need to let go.