Loving in the past...

Yesterday would have been my daughters fathers 27th birthday. Here recently I have started to feel like I am ready to start dating, that is until I started going through our old text messages again and laughing and smiling like we were texting in real time. I had to realize that for the past year and a half, I have held on to text messages, pictures and voicemails that have created a world where we are still together. Because I look at our texts so frequently, it honestly feels like he is still here. I know that I have to let go to move on but at the end of every day I look at what our love created and I love him that much more. Even though he isn’t here, I am more in love with him today than I was when he took his last breath. I treasure the first time that we met that much more, I treasure his hugs that much more and I will forever carry him in my heart. I don’t know when I will actually be okay but I know that if I was talking to myself about my situation, I would tell myself that I have to grieve and then I need to live. Honestly, I am only 25 years old and I have my entire life ahead of me. It’s not realistic to say that I will never love again and even unrealistic for me to suppress my desire to love again. I have loved him since the first day that I met him and I love him now, but now I need to live. Happy Birthday Anthony!!! I love you sooo much and you are greatly missed. Thank you for giving me one of the best pieces of you. For another chance to be with you…I’d glady risk it all. Right down to the wire, even through the fire.