Earlier this week I was watching a interview of Nick Cannon and he said something that shocked me and I'm paraphrasing, he said that he is never going to get married again because he respects the God ordained union of marriage so much and realizes that his lifestyle, goals and focus aren't conducive to nurturing a marriage. I actually completely understand where he is coming from. Let me explain; when I first divorced, I knew that I deserved better than that situation that I was in, but I also didn't think that real love, truth, commitment and selflessness existed in a relationship because of what I experienced. My relationship with my boyfriend was by no means perfect but while he was here he showed me that love is possible for me and is a beautiful part of life.
I've been a player before (Thank God for deliverance!) and have been in a space to where love was not on my radar, meaning I wasn't looking for it and walked away anytime a guy got too close or clingy. It wasn't until my divorce that I felt that maybe I wasn't good enough for love or like I was never going to have a man love me like I loved him and commit to me like I committed to him.
I don't think that Nick said what he said from a place of not feeling capable of loving a woman but from a place of honestly admitting that in his current situation, he doesn't have the necessary time or energy to focus on building a marriage and he understands that marriage is the type of commitment that should not be taken lightly.
When I divorced I didn't think that it was possible for me because of a terrible experience, when my boyfriend passed I didn't think that I'd ever meet anybody else as amazing as him and now I feel that God has marriage in store for me, but my heart isn't ready.
I've always felt that marriage is beautiful and the structure of oneness and submission to each other and to God is amazing. One day I pray that God shows me the favor to truly have a man love me as Christ loved the church because next time, divorce isn't an option.