Who I wanted you to be..


In a quick run-down, Keshia Knight Pulliam is married to Ed Hartwell and now they are expecting their first child together. It should be a happy period in her life, Right? Wrong! Her and Mr. Hartwell (and I use ‘Mr’ lightly because he is not to be respected, in my opinion) are also going through a divorce.

Of course opinions are like belly buttons; everybody has one. People are saying that she should not have married her ‘friend’s’ (Lisa Wu’s) ex-husband(I say ‘friends’ because Pulliam says that they were never friends, they just bumped into each other at a few events and took some pictures, together even though Wu tells a completely different story) . And some people are saying that they should have date longer than 3 months before marriage and the list of what ‘people are saying’ goes on and on as it does so often. I of course have my opinion about the situation, but I write this post in a different space and from a different place. I as a divorce woman know what it is like to love somebody that doesn’t exist.

“I love who he pretended to be. I love who he portrayed himself as, and the one mistake I made was, when he showed me who he really was, not believing him. Not believing him the first time. When he said he wanted our marriage, he wanted our family — I believed him. That’s why I gave him this one last chance, only for him to pull the rug from under me and blindside me.” –Keshia Knight Pulliam

I can so relate to her words simply because I have been there. I still love the person that I married, but the person that I married really doesn’t exist. He is someone that I made up in my head and tried to attach to a body. In case you don’t get what I am saying, it like if a male tells you a lie and says that he lied to protect you; in your head you flip whatever the situation is to where you rationalize his lie and say “He’s a good man because he cares about my feelings and just wanted to protect me.” No ma’am he’s a liar and it is just that simple.

In my situation I ignored sign after sign after sign after sign and rationalized every situation to take away from the common denominator.

I Thank God daily that a child wasn’t brought into my situation, but my situation would not have been a situation if I would have saw him for who he was and not for who he portrayed to be or who I wanted him to be. People will often times be who they want you to think that they are until they have no choice to be who they really are. You can only wear a costume for so long until you have to take it off and go back to your normal clothes!


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