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Unhealthy thinking


When I first separated from my "husband" I remember still wearing my ring and being in a limbo state of wanting the "situation" to work and filing for divorce. Of course, I ultimately filed but the time before that decision was made, I was exercising an unhealthy state of mind. Partially because I wanted to believe that my marriage was still intact and partially because I wanted others to believe that everything was great with him and me. It was so intense and I was so dedicated to that “reality” that I still talked about him, I still prayed for "us" (of course ) , I still thought about "our future " , the kid's that "we" would have and I still faithfully wore my wedding ring. I kept up that way of unhealthy thinking until I started feeling like I was lying to myself and others by forcing myself to paint a beyond unrealistic picture. At that point it was taking way more energy for me to keep up my facade than for me to process that the situation was what it was, and that that chapter in my life was over.

I make it no secret that being married and becoming a mother is a major life goal for me, but I learned the hard way that forcing something that isn't in the Will of God doesn't ensure that it will be, because at the end of the day, Gods will shall prevail. I've learned in any situation that it is important to grieve as your soul and spirit needs. During that time, I needed to cry, I needed to pray for restoration not for the “situation” but for me, I needed to vent to someone, I needed to forgive, I needed to be honest with myself and I needed to do all of those things to heal. It’s like if you have a scar, that scar hurts when it happens and often times it itches afterwards but the itching and discomfort is a part of a process!

Don't attempt to avoid a situation that God has allowed you to face. Addressing adversity is a strength of the wise and a powerful tool of growth. I'm not a better woman because I was married, I'm a better woman because I survived a situation that the enemy thought would destroy me.


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