For the most part, every year around my birthday I get really depressed because I don’t feel like I am where I should be in my life. Every year, I feel like I should be so much further than I am, and with all of the events that have transpired since I have turned 23, (mainly the death of my marriage) you would think that I, depression and Blue Bell would be the best of friends. But we aren’t, I mean what Blue Bell and I share is irreplaceable, but I and depression aren’t on speaking terms.
Depression is something that I have always struggled with, and it really stems back from being a pre-teen and dare I say, a child. I’ve always had the awful habit of putting myself down and shooting myself down as not being good enough. Being married and going through my separation took a major toll on how I saw myself as not only a woman, but as an individual.
When I turned 20, I told God (more of STRONGLY requested), “God, in 5 years (by 25) I want to be done with school, married and have a baby or at least a baby on the way.” That was truly my request and God did everything besides the baby, which was a blessing in disguise (Good looking out God!). I “accomplished” 2/3 of those things, but at the age of 23 I have also closed the marriage that I petitioned God for. Now I did walk across the stage and get my degree in Business Administration, and that is something that no one can take from me! (#TarletonPride)
“What’s your point?”
My point is that I am still not where I want to be in life or where I thought that I would be in life, but I am happy. No, I am not happy. I am wonderful!! Here I am blogging and sharing myself and my story, I am working on two books, I am an It Works distributor, In the 6 months that I have been at my job I am getting ready for my 3rd promotion, I have an amazing family and I serve an AWESOME GOD. I am not saying all of that to boast nor to brag, but what I am saying is that I have so much to be grateful and thankful for! I chose to focus on the good and the doors that God is allowing to open around me and not mope about what’s not happening. I choose to not let what is not happening break me, and I choose to let what is happening continue to be my motivation to keep on the road to get to where I am going!