I have been open about my seperation with my husband in hopes of helping someone else who is going through or who may go through and my blog has been like my open diary where I am vulnerable and open to show you that you (yes you) are not alone. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, EVER was my intention to bash my husband because he is truly not a bad guy. I married him, he had to be at least semi-decent righht? I even got his name tatted on my back before we got married! (close your mouth lol)
I will be the first to admit that I love my husband but I allowed my idea of how I wanted marriage to be, get in the way of reality. Marriage is not easy and it is not for the weak and I was weak. I was real weak and I left, not once, not twice, not three times but four, maybe five times. Never did I really consider how it made him feel or how it effected him. All the times that I left made me the woman that I am, it made me realize that sometimes love is ugly and love can hurt. Is this my "we are back together post" ? No ma'am. But this is my post to also reach the person struggling and me telling you (yes you) that marriage is hard. But when you make a vow, you make it work. When somebody makes you mad at your job, you don't just leave do you? (You shouldn't lol) You stay and continue you to work until you have enough experience to retire and reap all of the years of labor.
Many people either assume that either I have filed the papers and have already moved on or that everything is finalized but it's not. Nothing has been filed or completed, I sleep with just myself and my three pillows and my phone is as dry as bums lips (lol).I pray that all of my blogs reach somebody on the level that honestly helps in love and not in mess. I love my husband today and I'll love him tomorrow and whether we are married for 50 years or if this is where it all ends, he will still be the man that I gave up my last name for.
I always said that if I could go back to the day that I got married, I would have not ever done it and I would have said to run and don't look back. Honestly, now, I would tell myself to stay strong and to pray hard.
Love is a crazy, crazy, crazy, CRAZY emotion, but it's such a beautiful suprise. I could erase all of my previous posts, but then I would be erasing my progress as a woman. The past two months have been hurt, bitter, broken, mad, angry, livid, upset, scorned and etc. and now I am at peace and that is because of the journey. I am not crazy enought to say that I am perfect but I am woman enough to say that I am not.
Every Queen deserves a King and every King deserves Queen. It's important to recognize a King who has flaws but potential, I still stand by knowing you worth and never dulling your crown for anyone but know when its time to fight. Every good Queen knows that there is a reward in going to battle.