Choose Love, Peace and Joy
So here recently, I have really been going through, in just about every area that you can imagine (health, marriage, friends, finances, family and etc.) It honestly seems like every time that I turn around, I am turning around to another travesty or tragedy. However one day while I was planning my pity party, getting my ice cream, brownies, soda, pajamas and blues songs ready, I heard the song (in my head/spirit) by India Aria, Private Party. I’m having a private party, ain’t nobody here but me my Angels and my guitar saying “Baby look how far we’ve come.” I’m having a private party, learning how to love me, celebrating the woman that I have become.” Over the past few weeks and months, I had changed the lyrics to “I’m having a pity party, ain’t nobody here but me, my ice cream and my chocolate saying, “Girl, what have you become?” I’m having a pity party, learning how to down me, crying about the mess that I’ve become.”
I am not proud of it, but that was me. Barely being able to look into the mirror (which is something that I have never had a problem with), contemplating sitting in a corner and downing a bottle of sleeping pills. My mind and my spirit were broken, but in that moment I realized just as much energy as I was putting into being miserable and beating myself down, was the same amount of energy that I could be using to pray, seek God and build myself up.
My mother has always told me that the biggest battles that we will ever fight, never leave the battlefield of our mind and the battle that I was fighting was occurring in my mind. I was struggling with “You’re worthless.” And “You’re a valuable asset to the Kingdom” and going between “You have no purpose.” And “You were born with a destiny, a purpose and a mission to fulfill.” I was battling myself harder that I have ever battled myself before. I was my own worst enemy, but I chose to kill the enemy that I my flesh was becoming and to feed and give life to the God in me, I chose to not to be happy but to find my Joy in God, to Love who I was in God and who I was going to become in God and I chose to reside in Peace in God.
Was this easy? No. But every day that God allows my eyes to open and see a new day and breathe a new breath, I have make a choice to be better. I make the choice to outdo what I did the day before. I make a choice to not allow myself to host my own pity party. I make a choice to laugh instead of cry, to smile instead of frown, and to pray instead of speaking defeat.
It may not be easy but I challenge you and myself to choose to Love, choose to walk in the Peace of God, and to choose to have unshakeable Joy.
Choose it because you deserve to!